Why waste another minute, right? If the most sophisticated test you'll ever pee on said it's so....it must be so, right? Ha! That commercial cracks me up!
I know what your thinking, because I was thinking it too (that is after I stopped crying long enough to even process a thought!) It went a little something like this: can't.breathe....need air...or paper bag....whichever will come first....how did this happen (wait I know that part) snort sniffle, blow, choke! oh my word oh my word OH.MY.WORD.Y'ALL!
I mean - I ALREADY HAVE A BABY!
And then I told my sweet "rock of a husband" who replied with this: "Lindsy - God's going to take care of us" (enter instance one (following the positive test) where the Lord showed himself in our circumstance) "Besides" Tim said: "what can we do now?" and that became my attitude. Right...what can we do now? This is happening so...I guess we need to embrace it, right?
So...I smiled when I told my closest of friends in that most immediate time of knowing, but truthfully....I was still processing. We knew we wanted more kids, we just didn't intentionally plan to have them quite this close together, but God - he had other plans. Unfortunately his plans included me getting back into my pre-Avery jeans about a week before that blessed positive test...oh how short lived that little grace period was. Thank you Jesus....thank you so much for that. ;)
It was, however, a HUGE blessing to discover early on that two of my closest friends were not only pregnant as well but due IN THE SAME WEEK (instance two - thank you Lord).
We shared with our pastor and his wife pretty early on too and their reaction was amazing - pure ecstatic joy (seriously!) followed by the most confident and re-assuring "What a blessing" and "God will provide" as if they were stating the sky was blue - LOVE THAT.
So I called my midwife who responded as I thought she would but was ever so kind and excited for us and she scheduled an ultrasound for 7 weeks and of all of my ultrasounds I do believe this is the tiniest little beginning of life I've ever seen. When we (Kennedy and I) went for the appointment I hadn't shared the news with her yet. Once you have a miscarriage you find yourself MUCH more reluctant to share pregnancy news before it's confirmed in some shape or form. So... once the picture was clear and heartbeat audible, the ultrasound tech said "well, there's your baby's heartbeat" to which of course I felt what all Mom's feel - "wow, Lord - you're amazing" huge sigh of relief. (Insert instance four) Kennedy looked up at the ultrasound screen and said "where is that?" and the tech said "that's in your Mommy's belly honey" and her look....oh her look when she turned to me with her big blue eyes and said "Momma....we are going to have ANOTHER baby?". *I wish I had it on camera! I swallowed back my emotion and then laughed a little and said "yeah, honey - what do you think of that?" and she took a moment wide-eyed and then smiled a sweet smile and said "a baby for Avery" because she still calls Avery her baby. It's one of those moments... you know Mommy moments that I'll remember FOREVER.The weekend we celebrated Christmas with the Taylors, Dad delivered one of those sermons that Sunday where you JUST KNOW that God is reaching into your soul saying ever so gently "I'm talking to you my child...hear me and listen...let me help you and carry you". I was so emotional the entire time because I just felt that Holy Spirit stirring and my "circumstance" changed in that very instant to my blessing from God in which I was to have no fear or worry. God was going to provide and be with us every.single.step.of.the.way. I don't remember all that was said but I do remember that he gave illustration after illustration where God was with people in the Bible and he was impressing upon the congregation that if he did it then he will do it now and he talked about how much parents love their children and how much more our Heavenly Father loves us. It was a turning point and I'm so very thankful for that turn. Instance five.
We decided to share the news with our families over Christmas because we'd be seeing all of them. When we told the Taylors (by way of a card with the ultrasound enclosed) their first response to our clear apprehension was "God's gonna provide...he'll help you and bless you". Instance six. My Mom wept tears of joy and my sisters gave me confidence and reassurance that it would be wonderful and although it would be crazy we would make it and it would be fun along the way. Instance seven.
Since Abby is one of those closest friends I mentioned earlier who is due the same week, we decided to share with our other close friends in town simultaneously on New Years Eve. Well, I guess I should say the "big sisters" shared. So fun!
It took them a minute to process what was happening but once they did there was joy and hugs abound. So much to be thankful for...
Not a very BIG Big Sister, but a Big Sister nonetheless.
This week marked our 12th week and the week we'd be sharing with my employers and everyone else (thankyouverymuchblogandFacebook). I was REALLY nervous about telling my employers just because, well..I just did this and all, you know?
Well, our church has been reading through Proverbs and on Monday morning I was reading through Chapter 23 and verse 7 really stuck out to me: "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he". In essence - we become what we think and I realized I had become so preoccupied with the reactions I knew were to come like: "was that planned", "were you not on birth control" "are you kidding me". etc. etc. that I had begun to expect the negative and it was making me BE negative rather than joyous. God wants our minds to be renewed according to his word and I automatically thought of a few verses that could renew my mind:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it." Genesis 9:7
Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3
The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8
That sweet quiet time - instance eight.
I had a lot of friends just praying for peace for me and for the right words to say and just over the whole situation. I also had some grace-filled mentors just speak truth into me and help to prepare me for all that lies ahead.
My 12 week ultrasound was scheduled for 10 AM Monday morning and Tim surprised me at the appointment and when we got to see our little peanut and how much it changed......oh....
all looked healthy, perfectly healthy - thank you Lord and look at our little baby! No more unrecognizable object - there are fingers, toes and a perfect little nose!
Bring on the sharing! Sharing with my employers was hard, but it's past me and the Lord was definitely with me during that meeting...I felt every single prayer. When I left work that Monday evening and all this week I've just been in awe - in awe of God's goodness. In awe of how he has woven himself in every little instance. I mean, as believers we know that to be true but I feel like there are times in life when we feel it and are more apt to recognize it and I am so incredibly thankful for those times of nearness, aren't you? Now is one of those times in our lives and I couldn't feel more abundantly blessed and happy to share that "Baby Taylor Tres" as I've begun to call him/her is on his/her way, due to arrive the first week in August.